Alone but not

Finally catching a long break from work. With a week left before I have to be back in the office, I tried to get out of the country for a short trip alone. Unable to get either airplane tickets or accommodation to the places I wanted to go to, and that were safe enough for me to travel alone to, I gave up and simply checked myself into a resort on Sentosa island. For the first time, I actually wanted to travel alone. To get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and have quiet time. I figured that away from all those distractions and on my own, I'll have to lean on God for company. Spending more time with God, talking to God and reading His Word, would only bring us closer. James 4:8 (NIV) 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. I haven't spent every minute alone, many friends have been over to hang out. Time spent with them has also been a blessing. To simply chill out, talk and laugh with the fellas from church is somewhat of a luxury simply due to a lack of time in "real life". I thank God for the chance to build on bonds with family. Those brothers and sisters are indeed family. On the first day, friends had left, I sat in bed to pray and I heard myself praying the most honest, sincere prayer that I've ever said to God.

This morning I got up and dragged myself to the terrace for breakfast just five minutes before it closed. As I sat down to eat, I cracked open a new book to read - The Call by Os Guinness. Its about finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life. I discovered why I've been so unhappy about my job and that unhappiness has been slowing eating into other bits of my life as well. This new job places me, a square peg, into a round hole. Not good. I will have to spend more time praying for God to direct that area of my life. I've also yet to find out what the central purpose of my life is. If this job was it, I would have a sense of fulfillment and purpose. As Os Guinness put it, "As modern people we are all on a search for significance. We desire to make a difference. We long to leave a legacy. We yearn, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "to leave the world a bit better." Our passion is to know that we are fulfilling the purpose for which we are here on earth."

Why did God put me here? Finding and fulfilling the purpose of our lives comes up in myriad wards and in all the seasons of our lives.

For many years, I've been ambitious in my career. At the moment I am the youngest senior account manager, wait, youngest suit in the agency. I've put in a ridiculous amount of time at work to get to where I am today and I still have far to go. I've always enjoyed what I do very much and this industry still remains fascinating to me. Yet, there's recently been a restlessness in me that I haven't been able to fully explain. Its not simply just due to the lack of job satisfaction or the silly political stuff at work. I feel restless within the industry itself! I wonder if there is a point in what I do. There's so much that is missing. Only God needs nothing outside Himself, because He Himself is the highest and the only lasting good. So everything that we desire falls short and are as finite and incomplete as we ourselves are. And if we make these objects our ultimate desire, boy are we going to be disappointed. I've been lifting my career up to God and committing my life to Him to use as He will. I believe that He's planted that seed of restlessness and despair in my heart so that I would see beyond a career in advertising. I've always said that this is what I would like to do for the rest of my life. Now, I'm prepared to give it up. How awesome is God!

You won't believe this. As I was typing this entry, a brother of mine from church, lets call him.... G. So G and I have been exchanging text messages about mostly nothing. I was just saying something about how great would it be if I got a job that pays as much as my current package, and all I do is bum around on the beach all day. (I am great as a beach bum.) G texts me back in the following exact words: Start your own ad agency. Since you know e business. We start small. I be your production branch. If can make it, money can channel to missions and all. Tat will be living e dream.

I haven't felt this kind of excited about anything in a long time. Not even when I started a boutique agency years ago. My goodness! Even G is terribly excited now. We will both be committing this to prayer and waiting to see if He leads us that way. If you read this and have some free time on your hands, please do pray for us both. Living for a cause, serving while working, that will be living the dream indeed.

Father, thank You for Your grace, for loving and blessing even a sinner like me. My life is Yours to do as You will. Guide us and let us know if this is of Your leading. Speak in to us in such an obvious and undeniable way so that even though G and I are so blur sometimes, we will know that it is of You. O Lord, if this is Your will, open the doors for us, in terms of time, relationships and financing so that we will not be in need or want for anything. Thank You Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.