Higher Standards?

Should we, as children of God, as disciples of Christ, be held to a higher standard?

Toddlers, kids go to school, learn new things, grow somewhat wiser, and expectations of us likewise increases. Parents expect us to know right from wrong, to take responsibility for our mistakes. Society holds us accountable for our crimes if any.

Before rebirth, we followed the ways of the world, lost, until He saved us. As children of God we learn our Father's ways, try to make our thoughts like His. With all that education, knowledge, guidance, shouldn't we be held to a higher standard? After all, we are no longer accountable to the world, but to God, shouldn't we strive to be men/women after His heart?

Perhaps its shouldn't be called "higher" standards, perhaps they are just different standards altogether.

This season in summary

Okay, this is a massive information overload, esp since I've already posted 5 entries before this, but I might as well fill this blog up with whatever I can, while I remember to do so.

I will do it quick, in brief points.

1. I will be leaving in 4 days for a mission trip to Hanoi, where we will be holding workshops for up to 150 youths and some 40-50 youth leaders. Please keep the team in prayer. Most of us have never taught anything before, much less spoken in front of that many people. We aren't leaders in church, with the exception of one Pastor Henry who's leading the team up, so the butterflies in our tummies are going kinda crazy.
2. Mission trip to Hanoi - God has shown His provision time and time again. We prayed for the right team to come together, and He brought forth the most eclectic team mix. It could only be God... yet it works in a strange and wonderful way. He's provided for us in terms of funds as well. We're covering our own air tickets, meals and accommodation of course, but we prayed for funding for the rental of the conference rooms in Hanoi, sponsorship for some of the youth, love gifts, etc and He sent someone to bless us with $3,000. Another team member's dad is sponsoring the printing of our team notebooks, and a friend stepped up to sponsor travel insurance for the team. How good is our Lord!!
3. I started seeing someone, M, then stopped it because of promptings from the Holy Spirit. Yes, the feelings are still there, and yes he checks off many of the things I want in a partner, but I trust in the Holy Spirit and I just want to be obedient to His leading. Only if we both walk closer to God will we ever be able to get closer to each other. I think M, needs to get closer to God first. I don't want to be a distraction, nor the reason for him to seek God. I know I can only be with someone who loves God more than anything else, me included. As much as it hurts us both at the moment, we both know that it isn't right by God right now. It seems to be a matter of time, however, God's timing works on a different clock, so we will see. I know He holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.
4. I've started mentoring someone in church as well. Its a lot more difficult than I thought it would ever be. So if you get a chance, pray for me please?
5. I'm praying for what God wants me to do with my life. I think its about time I found out about my life's calling, not just my seasonal duties. Surely it can't be to teach?

Day 2 in Laos

Travelled on the back of a truck to the border where we took a bus across to Laos. Arriving at the Laos immigration checkpoint, we were greeted warmly by Ps. E and O. The key leaders of the LFF, the Laos underground church. (Even initials have been changed for protection as it is still highly dangerous there at the moment.)

Uncle J said that where we were going would be pretty nearby. After just nearly ten hours, we reached an underground church where we were to spend the night. Along the way, we picked up barking deer and hornbill for dinner. We passed on the squirrel and civet cat. Thank God.

Boys are roughing it out in a van and us girls travel in a suv thing they specially got for us. They have so little yet they are unbelievably generous and loving.

Unknown to us, the boys (together with Ps E and Uncle J) had stopped along the way to pray for a demon-possessed lady.

When we got there we were blown away. Hundreds of people gathered at a field for service. Mind you, this is in the dead of winter. Except for the "stage", everywhere else was pitch black. Children and youths ran and shone torches at our faces to see what we looked like.

Their service lasted thru the night with prayer, worship and sharing. We went to bed shortly after midnight, after our dinner of barking deer and hornbill. Which, by the way, tastes like duck, just with super tough skin that metal forks were unable to pierce through. Even in the freezing cold when we woke at 5.30am, there were still members of the audience sitting around small fires keeping warm and listening to the pastors. A kind lady took us to a water pump beside her house a short walk away where we could wash our faces and brush our teeth. The toilet was the great wilderness. Chicken, pigs, goats ran all around. It was like we had travelled back in time.

It reminded me how we take so many things for granted. How we have service in a nice church then complain about the aircon or chairs, or compare church buildings, etc, when over here, they meet in an open field in the freezing wind. Decor is a simple banner with the name of the church hung as a backdrop and a few balloons held up on clothing lines. Back home, we fuss over poster designs, christmas trees, confetti and baubles.

Joke of the day was one of the girls pointing at a huge boar running around, then asking, "Is it raw?". I don't think anyone answered.

This morning we were given the chance to sing for them. Then devotion was led by G and we were reminded of how we should abide by God in every aspect of our lives, not just while we were here. that we should listen to the Holy Spirit and build up our relationship with our personal Jesus.

Faithfulness of the angry

This is a particularly hard week.

Continued faithfulness and obedience while I was seething with a cold silent anger, was so difficult, my insides churned. I tried to see His hand in it, tried to bring glory to Him through what I did, how I reacted, the words I said. I tried my darnest and it was still a poor attempt.

It like being in my own head, but not understanding how all the gears worked. My anger was ferocious, white hot, and vulgar; built up in layers of debt, expectations, bitterness and discontentment.

Be still my heart. Be still and know that He is God.

Honesty

I was just reading someone's blog and "honesty" popped up in my head.

Have I been honest with myself?
Have I been honest with the people in my life?
Have I been honest with God?

No. Not enough.

We hate homework!

Often when we are going through difficulties in life, it is much like how we felt when we were young children back in school, when our parents would nag us about our results, give us more assessment exercises to do everyday and send us to extra tuition classes. Back then, because we did not understand the purposes behind it, we whinged about how shitty our parents were and how they enjoyed making our lives difficult. About why, on a sunny afternoon, we had to stay indoors working on mathematics instead of splashing about in the pool.

Then most of us grew up, and realised that while we thought it was all crap back then, our parents felt duty-bound to impart those lessons to us. They didn't enjoy it I'm sure. For the hours I spent studying, my mother definitely did not relax with a cold beer at the poolside. Rather, mom spent her days off work sitting beside us, helping us with our problem sums and spelling tests.

Our parents were molding us, educating us so that we would grow to become who we are today. Now we are able to see the bigger picture, we appreciate it.

We can very much learn from that and not complain every time we find ourselves in a valley. Rather, rejoice in the suffering, because in that season, we are being prepared, molded like silver in the Refiner's fire. While it hurts us, God feels the hurt too.

Romans 5:3-4 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character, hope."


Random thought: God is truly good to us. Amazingly patient! Even when times are bad and we whinge and whine non-stop He still doesn't strike us dead after our incessant complaints.

I need to stop...

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Paradise

This morning, I woke up with one word clinging to the seat of my lips. Paradise.

Instantaneously, I thought about Jesus Christ. I think its so amazing how my mind now automatically associates "Paradise" and "Jesus Christ", just like in those word association games. God changed the way it works! In the past I think I would have gone "Paradise? Phuket!"

Then I thought to myself, how cool it would be to be in paradise with Jesus. How easy it would be to just give up everything here to be with Him, how much that would rock. I thought about the most beautiful beaches on earth, I thought about the most wonderous animals, captivating sights and sounds, delicious smells and tastes that we have on earth and thought "nah, its nothing in comparison to what is waiting for me in Heaven."

And I can't wait to get to heaven! To be with Him.

But then I realised that when I met with God in paradise, I wanted to be able to say that I had lived my life well and fulfilled His purpose for me. Until then, I'll be here.

Father, please continue to reveal to me the purpose that you have intended for me. My Lord please fill me with wisdom and discernment to know what it is, please fill me with the strength and courage to obey, whatever it may be, and I pray that you continue to guide my hand in all that I do.

Father, I can't wait to see you at the end of this road. Papa, I will try to make you proud. I love you Lord.

Like a hammer on the head

I am the sort of girl that has her life planned out in five-year blocks.

Obviously, plans have been tweaked to accommodate life's hiccups along the way, but I've pretty much scored all the targeted goals since I first sat down a decade ago and decided what I wanted to do with my life a decade ago.

It only just hit me that for the first time, ever, I have no plans for my life after October.

But the Lord does, and that's all that matters.

Alone but not

Finally catching a long break from work. With a week left before I have to be back in the office, I tried to get out of the country for a short trip alone. Unable to get either airplane tickets or accommodation to the places I wanted to go to, and that were safe enough for me to travel alone to, I gave up and simply checked myself into a resort on Sentosa island. For the first time, I actually wanted to travel alone. To get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and have quiet time. I figured that away from all those distractions and on my own, I'll have to lean on God for company. Spending more time with God, talking to God and reading His Word, would only bring us closer. James 4:8 (NIV) 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. I haven't spent every minute alone, many friends have been over to hang out. Time spent with them has also been a blessing. To simply chill out, talk and laugh with the fellas from church is somewhat of a luxury simply due to a lack of time in "real life". I thank God for the chance to build on bonds with family. Those brothers and sisters are indeed family. On the first day, friends had left, I sat in bed to pray and I heard myself praying the most honest, sincere prayer that I've ever said to God.

This morning I got up and dragged myself to the terrace for breakfast just five minutes before it closed. As I sat down to eat, I cracked open a new book to read - The Call by Os Guinness. Its about finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life. I discovered why I've been so unhappy about my job and that unhappiness has been slowing eating into other bits of my life as well. This new job places me, a square peg, into a round hole. Not good. I will have to spend more time praying for God to direct that area of my life. I've also yet to find out what the central purpose of my life is. If this job was it, I would have a sense of fulfillment and purpose. As Os Guinness put it, "As modern people we are all on a search for significance. We desire to make a difference. We long to leave a legacy. We yearn, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "to leave the world a bit better." Our passion is to know that we are fulfilling the purpose for which we are here on earth."

Why did God put me here? Finding and fulfilling the purpose of our lives comes up in myriad wards and in all the seasons of our lives.

For many years, I've been ambitious in my career. At the moment I am the youngest senior account manager, wait, youngest suit in the agency. I've put in a ridiculous amount of time at work to get to where I am today and I still have far to go. I've always enjoyed what I do very much and this industry still remains fascinating to me. Yet, there's recently been a restlessness in me that I haven't been able to fully explain. Its not simply just due to the lack of job satisfaction or the silly political stuff at work. I feel restless within the industry itself! I wonder if there is a point in what I do. There's so much that is missing. Only God needs nothing outside Himself, because He Himself is the highest and the only lasting good. So everything that we desire falls short and are as finite and incomplete as we ourselves are. And if we make these objects our ultimate desire, boy are we going to be disappointed. I've been lifting my career up to God and committing my life to Him to use as He will. I believe that He's planted that seed of restlessness and despair in my heart so that I would see beyond a career in advertising. I've always said that this is what I would like to do for the rest of my life. Now, I'm prepared to give it up. How awesome is God!

You won't believe this. As I was typing this entry, a brother of mine from church, lets call him.... G. So G and I have been exchanging text messages about mostly nothing. I was just saying something about how great would it be if I got a job that pays as much as my current package, and all I do is bum around on the beach all day. (I am great as a beach bum.) G texts me back in the following exact words: Start your own ad agency. Since you know e business. We start small. I be your production branch. If can make it, money can channel to missions and all. Tat will be living e dream.

I haven't felt this kind of excited about anything in a long time. Not even when I started a boutique agency years ago. My goodness! Even G is terribly excited now. We will both be committing this to prayer and waiting to see if He leads us that way. If you read this and have some free time on your hands, please do pray for us both. Living for a cause, serving while working, that will be living the dream indeed.

Father, thank You for Your grace, for loving and blessing even a sinner like me. My life is Yours to do as You will. Guide us and let us know if this is of Your leading. Speak in to us in such an obvious and undeniable way so that even though G and I are so blur sometimes, we will know that it is of You. O Lord, if this is Your will, open the doors for us, in terms of time, relationships and financing so that we will not be in need or want for anything. Thank You Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

The beginning of the end of it all

Warning: Long post ahead.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.

Recently I've been praying for God to break my heart. Why? I do not know. But here's what my past 2 weeks have been like:

I've realised that I am not very happy with the new job. That while I love what I do (advertising - digital) very much, this new agency has started making me hate what I do. And I've only been there for a month. I can't pinpoint it to one specific incident or one exact problem, but what I do know is that this is not the right place for me.

In my prayers, I've been constantly committing my life, of which my career plays a large part, to Him. I've taken to praying that He takes my life, my career, me and do what He will with it all. As much as it scares me, this is not what He intends for me. What exactly God intends for me to do, I do not know, but what I will do is resign first thing after I return to the office on the 18th. I have never ever left a job without another job lined up. My goodness. As much of a strong front I have put on about this to friends and family, I'm worried, yes I am, but I trust Him to open the doors for me. He holds me in the palm of His hand and I know that He will not let me fall.

With that decision made, my heart was calmer but still rather uneasy and unhappy as ironically, my period of notice will be twice as long as my duration of service so far. Heh.

Nathan and I have broken up. The weekend that followed, I was an absolute wreck. I cried for probably 30 hours straight. I cried in my sleep, the moment I woke, while I was on the loo, while I was watching the telly. Everywhere. Yet I wasn't just crying over the end of yet another relationship. I felt so lost, so small. I was completely overwhelmed with sadness and unbeliveable helplessness. I had never felt so... broken in my life. For the first time ever, I couldn't even see a tomorrow.

So I prayed. I prayed for myself, for Nathan, for my father, for my sisters, for just so so many people. I asked for forgiveness, guidance, wisdom and strength, I prayed that He would take away the pain and hurt, that He would heal me. I wanted simply to be whole again. I asked for protection, for peace in my heart and mind. There had been so many things that I had yet to forgive myself for.

I prayed so so so much, holed up in the dark alone, not eating or seeing. Then God led me to realise that He was answering my prayers. The Lord was breaking my heart. This breakup was merely the straw that broke this camel's back.

Then came Sunday. I awoke with a peace in my heart, a calm that I myself could not believe I was capable of feeling. Brick by brick, God was putting me back together. Building me back whole again.

As a young Christian, I had prayed for unshakeable, child-like faith. During those two dark nights, God grew my faith. He watered my tree so that its roots would dig deeper into the soil. God knew exactly what was needed to demolish my world, to kill off what illusions I had of independence, what plans I had for me, myself and I. He was, is, the only one who could heal my heart and make it clean. Those two days, I learnt about God-dependence, not self reliance.

Father, I am Your faithful servant. Use me as You will.

Jesus loves the little children

Sometimes I look back on the things I've done in my past and I'm filled with a sense of repulsion and disgust. If I feel that way about myself, how else can others feel?

Yet Jesus loves me anyway.

This season is for forgiveness. And I've realised that sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world

Black and yellow, red and white

They're all precious in His sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world

Forgiveness

One of the things I've been working on this season is forgiveness.

Some people to forgive for some things. But most importantly though, I’ve realised that while I appear alright, I have yet to forgive myself for many many things. But I have God’s grace and He will make me whole again.

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matt 6:14-15

Working and Walking

I work in advertising. Cussing, screaming, anger over deadlines, yelling, drinking, partying, alcoholic stupidity, overindulgence, pride and more. All accepted as common industry practice. What would never be allowed to happen in a normal office, such as telling your boss to go screw himself, takes place on weekly basis in the office where I work. Sometimes I think its like a cesspool of sin.

Daily, I struggle with this. I try my darnest not to swear, I try not to get angry when others make incredibly stupid mistakes, I try not to slap creatives who chose the 11th hour to have a diva fit. This is not exactly the perfect environment to be in for a Christ-follower - full of stumbling blocks and temptation, like little mousetraps just waiting for you to let down your guard. I asked God a while ago, "Why place me, such a young Christian, here?"

Two days ago, while talking to Him as I got ready for work, He helped me look at things from the other side of the coin.

Volcanoes are extremely destructive and living in the vicinity of an active one is usually considered risky and dangerous. Yet many people do. Why? When a volcano erupts, along with lava, it also throws out a lot of ash. At short notice, the ash can be really harmful to the environment, but in the long term, this ash layer contains many useful minerals, and in time, will be forms very fertile soil.

How wonderful would it be to be able to plant His seeds here! In fertile soil. I'm so happy that He's allowed me to be a part of this, to do His work through me... and at the same time flattered/stunned that He would trust me with such a major deal.

God is truly truly mind-blowing. Hallelujah. Thank you for having faith in me Father.

Love from across oceans

Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ..." and Exodus 20:13 says, "You shall not murder."

I am definitely not the most patient person in the world. In fact, quite a lot of people in our little dot on the map I find downright annoying. Recently, there was season in my life where God kept teaching me about patience and love for everyone I meet. Seriously everyone.

I've come to realise that:

1. I need extra grace to love some people, but with God, all things are possible.
   
2. some are easier to love from a distance. Still loving, and no murdering.

Comparatively, our job is so so simple!

Jesus was unbelievable. After He spent all that time getting insulted, whipped, nailed to a cross and killed by people, He still loves His children so so much and even while He was hanging from the cross, He was patient and forgiving. Every day, people insult God, blame Him for difficult times, doubt His existence and do so so much evil, yet He is patient and kind and His love is never ending.

...and yet we hate pretentious people, neighbours who slam their front door too hard or sisters that hog the bathroom.

Love. From a distance if necessary, but love one and all.

30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:30-31

He ain't heavy

The night before the cremation, I dreamt that Jordan, V and I were sitting at the back of a taxi. It was the morning of the cremation and sunlight was streaming through the windows as trees flew by. He was smiling and happy, looking oh so Jordan. He asked if anyone needed a ride to get to his wake. He wondered if his coffin was gonna be too heavy and wanted to know if his brothers needed help with it. At the back of that taxi-cab, we were happy, we were smiling and we were free. And when I woke I knew he was alright. Everything was alright.



The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother...

the Lord sends emails

Oh dear. Last I posted was Monday and its already Friday. Time really flew by this week. In the midst of campaign launch flurry, I think God has slipped my mind quite a number of times this week. Thankfully, my God is a patient God. If I had to deal with myself, I'll probably have sent bolts of lightning down on myself. Anyway, last night my sleep was full of mini-dreams, and they were all about money. I had a conversation about salary and expenditure with a colleague, talked to a friend from church about earning more vs earning less, trying to find lost money, and lot lot of other hazy dreams, but all revolved around the same money theme. Then the moment I woke up, flicked my blackberry on and here's the first thing I read this morning: The Word for Today Financial Amnesia Remember...the Lord...gives you power to become rich. - Deuteronomy 8:18 TLB

Can God trust you with money? Do you have the courage to thank Him publicly for what He's given you? Ever noticed how some of us who praised Him when we had very little, suddenly become 'image conscious' when we start to prosper? We call on God when we're in trouble, but when we get back on our feet we stop counting our blessings and start counting our money. What's happened? We've become so self-sufficient that we're reluctant to mention the name of Jesus when we talk about our blessings! Israel's financial amnesia was nothing new; it happens once you start believing "it was [my] own power and might that made [me] wealthy" (Dt 8:17 TLB).

Never get so dazzled by success that you forget the source of everything you have, or become so caught up in your blessings that you fail to acknowledge the One who blessed you. God told the Israelites, "When you have become...prosperous...built fine homes...and your silver and gold have multiplied...don't become proud and forget the Lord...who brought you out of...slavery" (Dt 8:11-14 TLB). God doesn't condemn success, He condemns arrogance! When you've had very little and suddenly enter the 'Promised Land,' it's easy to forget where you came from. A few gourmet meals, a designer suit and a house in 'the right neighbourhood' can make you forget about yesterday's hand-me-downs! God constantly had to remind His people not to overlook His goodness to them. And the same applies to us. "Remember...the Lord...gives you power to become rich, and...just as [He]...caused other nations in the past to perish...That will be your fate...if you don't obey...God" (Dt 8:18-20 TLB).

Bottom line - you don't have anything God didn't give you!

SoulFood Bible Readings: 1 Co 14-16, Mk 8:14-26, Ps 94:1-11, Pr 10:24-26

Btw, these daily emails are sent to me by The Word For Today e-mail service. If you've been encouraged by The Word for Today, then your friends will be too.Click here to subscribe.

So how does this tie back to real life? I've been praying for financial blessing, for a particular salary increment that I will get a reply from senior management on next week. And I know, with greater financial rewards, I should be a better steward with my money, no, God's money.

Extraordinarily, God being all-knowing, knows that I spend a good 40% of my day online, so God sends emails too.

Awesomeness!

if I were God, we'll all be dead

My ex-boss, Linda, has been extra weird of late. She has been asking a number of people about me but going further and probing about how often I get in touch with my ex-colleagues, what I've been saying to them, just general paranoid questions. And if she actually bothers to ring me up, text me or drop me instant messages, she has developed a rather annoying habit of twisting the conversations we've had into something else entirely. Prior to the day that I handed in my resignation letter mid-November last year, she was all nice and loving. After that letter was submitted, boy has she said some nasty things, and she's continued to do so. I guess I should be flattered that she still feels like I'm going to steal the team from under her, but it's been really annoying me. I thought about it for quite a while this morning, and then I had a talk with Nathan about her. I knew I shouldn't let her get to me, but somehow she managed to wheedle her way through the cracks and stuck her annoying self in my brain. Nathan reminded me once again that this was the devil's way of getting to me, that even more so should I pray for Linda, and give all this to God.

So I prayed. I gave Him all the anxiety, stress and worry, all the negative thoughts that I had about Linda and asked that He take it all away from me. I prayed about Linda, prayed for blessings on her, for the Holy Spirit to continue to guide her daily...

Months ago I realized that I simply did not need people like her in my life.. So while I continue to pray for her, it will be from a distance. I will also pray for grace to deal with the Lindas that pop up every now and then.

At the same time, it blows my mind that God hasn't blown us all up yet! His patience and love for us is infinite and immaculate.

1 Timothy 1:16

gracie was stupid

I didn't blog yesterday partly because I completely forgot and partly cos I was still so angry that I figured it was better not to bring my angst online.

Quite a number of things happened yesterday. Terribly "Days of Our Lives".

1. Lost my phone on Monday evening, which mean I pretty much spent Tuesday morning running about with like a chicken with its head chopped off. Because of the way it happened (long story which I'm quite tired of repeating so I won't), I'm fairly certain the taxi driver took my phone. So come Tuesday morning, I made a police report, got a new blackberry and had my SIM card replaced. Only with my mother's help was I able to do all that and get into the office before 1pm. Monday night while I was online trying to retrieve my lost phone's IMEI and PIN numbers, suspend my line and all that stuff. The entire time though, I was pissed. Seriously pissed off. You see the taxi driver happened to be a friend of a friend from way back. First off, wherever possible, strangers should return lost property... and if its someone you know... even more so. A friend reminded me then (through the wonder that is MSN) that even during difficult/testing times, we should always praise God. So I did. I thanked Him for teaching me, and I prayed for whoever found my phone and kept it. Maybe he really needed the money.
   
2. I had my appraisal at work today. This was also a discussion about the salary increment I would be getting. There's a minimum amount that they are contractually obligated to meet, but I had asked for significantly higher than that. I've prayed about it and will continue to do so. Either way though, I'm quite happy with the agency that I'm in and feel very blessed that God placed me in such an environment, with such awesome people.
3. I had a job interview last evening. A casual sort of chat with the M.D and the Head of Digital of another global ad agency. To be honest, I have no intention of leaving my agency right now, and I do see myself here for quite some time, but I was curious about what the other agency was offering and wanted to check it out. Even though the interview went well, that agency isn't for me, not right now and probably not for a long time. This interview just reaffirmed what a great agency I'm in and I thank God.
   

Why are do 2 and 3 make me thank God so much? For the past month or so, because I've been rather bored with un-challenging work, I've been wondering to God if this agency is really where He wants me to be in. Questioning if this was really where I'm supposed to be.

And so it is! Praise God. I love You.

walking in humility

Those who exalt themselves are humbled by the Lord. Those who humble themselves before the Lord are those whom the Lord raises up. Humility doesn't mean thinking less of yourself, it just means thinking of yourself less.
- by Rhema Broadcasting Group in association with The Vine - www.thevine.co.nz™

This week the Lord has been saying quite a few things to me through my friends, my lifegroup (cell group), daily devotionals, sermons and more. All different, but all inter-linked.

While I answer His call to share His story, His work in me, I must remember to think about myself less, to not let pride stumble me. That while it may seem like I'm writing about myself, I am not. It is about HIM and HIS work that I am writing about. I am merely a tool for His good work on earth.

At the same time, He talks about courage. How in the bible God tells us 366 times not to fear! All of His people in the bible who answered His call - Paul, Matthew, David, Zacharias, John, Ruth, Mary, all of them were faced with some very difficult, challenging moment/s. What He asked them to do was nothing small, yet with faith and courage, they said, "Yes, Lord". Paul got out of the boat and walked on water. Mary had a son out of wedlock during a time when she could have been stoned for that. David, a mere boy, fought and defeated Goliath.
I am revealing such an intimate part of myself through this blog, there are times I fear the consequences. As you can imagine, almost everyone in my life does not know about the abortion I had, and I have quite a few more skeletons in my closet. What if my family, church-mates, good friends, those who I hold dearest to me, find out about this blog? Will they look at me the same? I think this is partly why I kept this anonymous as well.

And then He talks about His will, His plans for our lives.

1. Providential Will
2. Moral Will
3. Personal Will.

The more familiar (and obedient) we are with His providential and moral will, the easier it will be for us to be aware of His personal will. However, before we ask Him "what do I do now", we must be prepared to be obedient, that no matter that His reply may be, the posture in our hearts is "yes". (I will explain this in depth in a separate posting.)

In a nutshell, while I am being obedient to what He is asking of me right now, I should walk in humility (Ephesians 4:1-2). There should be no need to fear what others might say (Job 5:21). Be strong and courageous, because my Lord is with me and He will never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Quick verses
Ephesians 4:1-2
1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Job 5:21
21 You will be protected from the lash of the tongue, and need not fear when destruction comes.

Deuteronomy 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."