This season in summary

Okay, this is a massive information overload, esp since I've already posted 5 entries before this, but I might as well fill this blog up with whatever I can, while I remember to do so.

I will do it quick, in brief points.

1. I will be leaving in 4 days for a mission trip to Hanoi, where we will be holding workshops for up to 150 youths and some 40-50 youth leaders. Please keep the team in prayer. Most of us have never taught anything before, much less spoken in front of that many people. We aren't leaders in church, with the exception of one Pastor Henry who's leading the team up, so the butterflies in our tummies are going kinda crazy.
2. Mission trip to Hanoi - God has shown His provision time and time again. We prayed for the right team to come together, and He brought forth the most eclectic team mix. It could only be God... yet it works in a strange and wonderful way. He's provided for us in terms of funds as well. We're covering our own air tickets, meals and accommodation of course, but we prayed for funding for the rental of the conference rooms in Hanoi, sponsorship for some of the youth, love gifts, etc and He sent someone to bless us with $3,000. Another team member's dad is sponsoring the printing of our team notebooks, and a friend stepped up to sponsor travel insurance for the team. How good is our Lord!!
3. I started seeing someone, M, then stopped it because of promptings from the Holy Spirit. Yes, the feelings are still there, and yes he checks off many of the things I want in a partner, but I trust in the Holy Spirit and I just want to be obedient to His leading. Only if we both walk closer to God will we ever be able to get closer to each other. I think M, needs to get closer to God first. I don't want to be a distraction, nor the reason for him to seek God. I know I can only be with someone who loves God more than anything else, me included. As much as it hurts us both at the moment, we both know that it isn't right by God right now. It seems to be a matter of time, however, God's timing works on a different clock, so we will see. I know He holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.
4. I've started mentoring someone in church as well. Its a lot more difficult than I thought it would ever be. So if you get a chance, pray for me please?
5. I'm praying for what God wants me to do with my life. I think its about time I found out about my life's calling, not just my seasonal duties. Surely it can't be to teach?

In the dark

Jesus said, "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight" (Matt 10:27 NIV).

1. It's in your worst moments that God gives you some of your best insights.
2. People will listen to you because you've 'earned the right to speak'. So sit tight and let God teach you things which can only be learned in the dark.

God, speak to me, now that I am in the dark.

Growing in faith

Oh gosh, it has been quite a while hasn’t it?

I have resigned from my job. With two months to go before my final day with the agency, and no job lined up, I’m really trusting in God to open the doors for me for whatever He intends for the next season to bring.

I guess I sit in anticipation and excitement, but also in faith, because I know that this is not what He intends for me to do right and with my resignation, I am obeying.

We’ve been praying, both G and myself, for a confirmation on the digital agency and also that if it is of Him, that the Lord may throw the doors wide open for us. My prayer has also been that He send us investors, good people to support us, as well as new business for that agency. While its only been two weeks since we’ve started praying about it, we’ve already been approached by an investor, along with some other business opportunities. I wonder if it is God’s way of confirming that for us. We’ll also definitely need wise counsel from our leaders/mentors. In the quick chat that I’ve managed to have with my mentor, A, she seems to think that it’s a great idea. I’ll be speaking to her in detail tonight over dinner.

I guess a small part of me worries. I’ve never left a job without having signed on the dotted line with another company. I guess it’s the security that I’m leaving behind. Job security and knowing that I’ll be getting a nice salary at the end of every month and not having to worry about expenses and such. But I give that burden and anxiety up to God. There’s safety and security in His arms and He’s the only one that will never fail us.

When Jesus told Peter, "Why do you doubt?" He was saying, "Don't allow this storm to overwhelm you. I'm right here with you. Your problem is under My feet, therefore it's under your feet too. Just keep your eyes on Me, keep walking by faith and stick to the plan!"

I’m sticking to the plan!

Alone but not

Finally catching a long break from work. With a week left before I have to be back in the office, I tried to get out of the country for a short trip alone. Unable to get either airplane tickets or accommodation to the places I wanted to go to, and that were safe enough for me to travel alone to, I gave up and simply checked myself into a resort on Sentosa island. For the first time, I actually wanted to travel alone. To get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and have quiet time. I figured that away from all those distractions and on my own, I'll have to lean on God for company. Spending more time with God, talking to God and reading His Word, would only bring us closer. James 4:8 (NIV) 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. I haven't spent every minute alone, many friends have been over to hang out. Time spent with them has also been a blessing. To simply chill out, talk and laugh with the fellas from church is somewhat of a luxury simply due to a lack of time in "real life". I thank God for the chance to build on bonds with family. Those brothers and sisters are indeed family. On the first day, friends had left, I sat in bed to pray and I heard myself praying the most honest, sincere prayer that I've ever said to God.

This morning I got up and dragged myself to the terrace for breakfast just five minutes before it closed. As I sat down to eat, I cracked open a new book to read - The Call by Os Guinness. Its about finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life. I discovered why I've been so unhappy about my job and that unhappiness has been slowing eating into other bits of my life as well. This new job places me, a square peg, into a round hole. Not good. I will have to spend more time praying for God to direct that area of my life. I've also yet to find out what the central purpose of my life is. If this job was it, I would have a sense of fulfillment and purpose. As Os Guinness put it, "As modern people we are all on a search for significance. We desire to make a difference. We long to leave a legacy. We yearn, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "to leave the world a bit better." Our passion is to know that we are fulfilling the purpose for which we are here on earth."

Why did God put me here? Finding and fulfilling the purpose of our lives comes up in myriad wards and in all the seasons of our lives.

For many years, I've been ambitious in my career. At the moment I am the youngest senior account manager, wait, youngest suit in the agency. I've put in a ridiculous amount of time at work to get to where I am today and I still have far to go. I've always enjoyed what I do very much and this industry still remains fascinating to me. Yet, there's recently been a restlessness in me that I haven't been able to fully explain. Its not simply just due to the lack of job satisfaction or the silly political stuff at work. I feel restless within the industry itself! I wonder if there is a point in what I do. There's so much that is missing. Only God needs nothing outside Himself, because He Himself is the highest and the only lasting good. So everything that we desire falls short and are as finite and incomplete as we ourselves are. And if we make these objects our ultimate desire, boy are we going to be disappointed. I've been lifting my career up to God and committing my life to Him to use as He will. I believe that He's planted that seed of restlessness and despair in my heart so that I would see beyond a career in advertising. I've always said that this is what I would like to do for the rest of my life. Now, I'm prepared to give it up. How awesome is God!

You won't believe this. As I was typing this entry, a brother of mine from church, lets call him.... G. So G and I have been exchanging text messages about mostly nothing. I was just saying something about how great would it be if I got a job that pays as much as my current package, and all I do is bum around on the beach all day. (I am great as a beach bum.) G texts me back in the following exact words: Start your own ad agency. Since you know e business. We start small. I be your production branch. If can make it, money can channel to missions and all. Tat will be living e dream.

I haven't felt this kind of excited about anything in a long time. Not even when I started a boutique agency years ago. My goodness! Even G is terribly excited now. We will both be committing this to prayer and waiting to see if He leads us that way. If you read this and have some free time on your hands, please do pray for us both. Living for a cause, serving while working, that will be living the dream indeed.

Father, thank You for Your grace, for loving and blessing even a sinner like me. My life is Yours to do as You will. Guide us and let us know if this is of Your leading. Speak in to us in such an obvious and undeniable way so that even though G and I are so blur sometimes, we will know that it is of You. O Lord, if this is Your will, open the doors for us, in terms of time, relationships and financing so that we will not be in need or want for anything. Thank You Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.