Higher Standards?

Should we, as children of God, as disciples of Christ, be held to a higher standard?

Toddlers, kids go to school, learn new things, grow somewhat wiser, and expectations of us likewise increases. Parents expect us to know right from wrong, to take responsibility for our mistakes. Society holds us accountable for our crimes if any.

Before rebirth, we followed the ways of the world, lost, until He saved us. As children of God we learn our Father's ways, try to make our thoughts like His. With all that education, knowledge, guidance, shouldn't we be held to a higher standard? After all, we are no longer accountable to the world, but to God, shouldn't we strive to be men/women after His heart?

Perhaps its shouldn't be called "higher" standards, perhaps they are just different standards altogether.

Of Hanoi and Hope

Just got back from Hanoi 3pm yesterday. God has been beyond good as always. I've never seen or experienced the Holy Spirit move so massively, so powerfully.

The biggest takeaway I have from this trip is a new-found sense of who I am in God's eyes. His amazing love for us, all of us, is just breathtaking. I'm so very very loved and feel so very very very blessed.

So all in all, a fantastic learning experience accompanied by generous portions of awesome food and the nicest people ever! I am glad to be home though. I've missed this tiny island. :)

Will post in detail soon!

God bless ya'll.

The Someday List

1. Watch M rock out in front of a live audience

2. Catch Paul Anka's big band version of Oasis's Wonderwall, live

3. Hit up Cova

4. NYE

5. For M to meet with my girls, get interrogated and laugh loads.

6. April Fool's

7. Travel

8. To be able to make actual plans

9. A dog named boo

Yes, these may always be hopelessly romantic dreams of ours, but we have them anyway.

And this list can only keep growing for now.

This season in summary

Okay, this is a massive information overload, esp since I've already posted 5 entries before this, but I might as well fill this blog up with whatever I can, while I remember to do so.

I will do it quick, in brief points.

1. I will be leaving in 4 days for a mission trip to Hanoi, where we will be holding workshops for up to 150 youths and some 40-50 youth leaders. Please keep the team in prayer. Most of us have never taught anything before, much less spoken in front of that many people. We aren't leaders in church, with the exception of one Pastor Henry who's leading the team up, so the butterflies in our tummies are going kinda crazy.
2. Mission trip to Hanoi - God has shown His provision time and time again. We prayed for the right team to come together, and He brought forth the most eclectic team mix. It could only be God... yet it works in a strange and wonderful way. He's provided for us in terms of funds as well. We're covering our own air tickets, meals and accommodation of course, but we prayed for funding for the rental of the conference rooms in Hanoi, sponsorship for some of the youth, love gifts, etc and He sent someone to bless us with $3,000. Another team member's dad is sponsoring the printing of our team notebooks, and a friend stepped up to sponsor travel insurance for the team. How good is our Lord!!
3. I started seeing someone, M, then stopped it because of promptings from the Holy Spirit. Yes, the feelings are still there, and yes he checks off many of the things I want in a partner, but I trust in the Holy Spirit and I just want to be obedient to His leading. Only if we both walk closer to God will we ever be able to get closer to each other. I think M, needs to get closer to God first. I don't want to be a distraction, nor the reason for him to seek God. I know I can only be with someone who loves God more than anything else, me included. As much as it hurts us both at the moment, we both know that it isn't right by God right now. It seems to be a matter of time, however, God's timing works on a different clock, so we will see. I know He holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.
4. I've started mentoring someone in church as well. Its a lot more difficult than I thought it would ever be. So if you get a chance, pray for me please?
5. I'm praying for what God wants me to do with my life. I think its about time I found out about my life's calling, not just my seasonal duties. Surely it can't be to teach?

I know who holds tomorrow

This song was just sent to me by a friend. God speaks beautifully through music. This may just be the song to carry me through this season.

Back to BKK

We're on the train back to Bangkok now. Had a pretty good dinner on board. This is much more comfortable than the bus for sure though it takes a couple of hours more. My first proper train ride! Its such an eye-opener!

The team has really bonded and we pray that this bond continues to grow stronger even after our return.

We shared about meeting our individual expectations today during our last meeting with Uncle J. All our expectations have been met! Praise the Lord! For myself, I had listed four different ones and the Lord has met them all above and beyond. He's stretched me and we definitely have grown closer as friends. He was there for me every step of the way. Shown me His magnitude and unfailing love... how big is He! He's taken me out of my comfort zone and not only shown me how little I need to survive, but how much easier it is to draw closer to Him, to be still with Him when there are less material things, less distractions around me. There's a love for children that's been placed in my heart and for once I actually think that I can have my own children and not kill them.

How blessed we are to be in Singapore and how blessed Singapore is. Auntie M (Uncle J's wife) shared how she feels that Singapore has been blessed so that her and her people will bless others.

SY had a personal breakthrough today. While sharing just before we left the house, he cried for the first time in years. It really moved us all to tears too. God's amazing love is moving in his life in a very obvious way.

At the school today, everything was so powerful. We got to perform for and interact with 1,000 children. The girls were impeccably behaved and absolutely adorable. Some of the boys however... insanely mischievous! It was pretty hilarious. When we gave out the gifts we had brought for the kids, they were so appreciative of such small items like a pen, a pencil, a wafer biscuit and a couple of Mentos sweets. Many kids in Singapore would have complained about how it wasn't a PSP and thrown the little gift bags aside. How blessed we are to be able to take such things for granted growing up. There was a little girl I really connected with at the school. While they were organising mass games, some of us went amongst with the kids to encourage participation and I stood beside that little girl in her purple jacket. She was probably around six or seven years old. After receiving her Christmas gift, she came up to me with her chubby friend, opened up the plastic bag, took out her pen and wanted to give it to me as a present. She had so little and yet still wanted to share her gift with me! I had to stop myself from tearing. Both of them gave Jas, Z and I such warm hugs. They have so little yet they still try to share the best that they have with us. With hearts like that as non-Christians, imagine how much more brilliant they would be with God's fire in their hearts.

"I could sing of His love forever."

Day 5 in Ubon

All the rehearsals have paid off! We performed at a church and a village today.

I led devotion today. :) We talked about spiritual gifts as well. Some of them would like to go thru Know Your Shape (This is a class about spiritual gifts) when we get back.
Uncle J baptised Jo, Jas and another boy - DP in the Holy Spirit today. We prayed over them and tears flowed from everyone. Pastor Josh prophesied over Darren, then he would minister to children. It was incredible. The day before that DP and I had spoken about what he was intending to do now that he has just completed his o levels. He was lost and clueless and God gave him direction through Uncle J. He's now set on continuing his studies in early childhood education. The atmosphere was amazing. God's presence was there with us the entire time. Everyone prayed at the same time, out loud. One of the mindblowing prayer sessions I've ever experienced. While praying over Jo, I got a couple of images from God for her - a tiny seedling taking root in rich and fertile soil with God's light shining brightly over it and an eagle with a wide wingspread soaring high in the bright blue sky.
We performed Lifehouse's Everything skit at the school. Lifehouse's Everything skit was really powerful I must say. Jo was awesome playing the female lead. Right after that though, she fell pretty sick. She had a fever earlier. Now she's got flu like symptons and swollen eyes too. Pray for her healing. I think sometimes when we're doing good work for God, the evil one uses illness as well to take away our focus from our Father.

At the village, DL preached and shared his testimony about Christmas and hope. It was a simple message that cut to the point, yet it was powerful and easy for the villagers to comprehend. He spoke of God's love in his life, how God was with him during his hard times and his good, how when he was lost, God gave him direction, when he was sad, God made him happy. God's annointing was indeed upon him.

The church gave little presents in a "lucky draw" kinda way at the village. Those gifts would not have gotten a Singaporean out of his chair, yet the villagers glowed and were so happy to receive them. Simple things like a t-shirt, shampoo, comforters and bottles of drinks were so so appreciated by them. Things that we take for granted as "basic necessities" in Singapore.

We're on our way back now to the house now to pack over 1,000 bags of gifts for the mental hospital and school that we will be visiting tomorrow. Pray that the Lord multiplies the fruits of our labour and time and we get everything completed tonight and ample time for sleep too!

Day 4 in Laos (part 2 of 2)

Lots to do tomorrow. We'll be performing and sharing at a church and a village tomorrow so that will be pretty interesting. 3 of them, Jas, SY and E will be sharing their testimonies and DL, our team leader, will be preaching on Christmas and hope.

Off to bed now too. We've just finished rehearsals and are absolutely exhausted. Keep praying for us. Pray that tomorrow we will touch lives, that it won't be just entertainment that we're providing but we'll be creating life-changing moments. That God will speak to the villagers through us and seeds will be planted in their hearts.

Day 4 in Laos (part 1 of 2)

We've been carrying around our garbage because we never found any bins. Today, we finally learnt why we couldn't ever find any dustbins in Laos. They threw all their trash into seemingly random piles around their compound and burnt them every night. Plastic bottles and all. Not the most environmentally friendly means of disposal but its understandable as they do not have any other option. One mystery solved!

Last night Jo and I were talking just before we fell asleep. The morning before, after Z had led us in devotion, some of us had taken turns praying for the team. Somehow when Uncle J prompted me to pray, I felt the Holy Spirit push for me to pray for those who did not yet have the ability to speak in tongues and I did, laying my hand on Jo's shoulder, even though I wasn't entirely sure if she was able to. Unknown to me, at that exact point, she had been asking God about the same thing. Our Lord works in awesome mind-blowing ways!

Jas led us in devotion today after breakfast.
We talked about sin and the Lord's grace. Made me think about how I sometimes took His infinite grace for granted. Shortly after while doing quiet time, the Holy Spirit got me to read John 15:1-17. I feel like I'm drawing closer to my personal Jesus here. In Singapore, we live in so much comfort that it is easy to set God aside. Over here, out of my comfort zone and in the battleground, I lean more on my Master, my Commander for instructions and direction. There is more God-reliance and less self-reliance, less distractions, more stillness.

D and E have proved themselves to be the himbo and bimbo of the group, providing much entertainment. Here's a great takeaway - D, "the sky very dusty today ah, cannot see many stars." - he meant cloudy. Haha.

We're on the way to the largest waterfall in SEA now. More updates to follow.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Day 3 in Laos

On the way to the coffee plantation now. We were blessed with snake soup last night. Tastes just like chewy chicken!

They said that its nearby, so we expect a 7-8 hour drive. Even the locals have warned us that it will be even colder where we're going - 10 and below. We've started sharing warm clothes with those who haven't brought enough. There's a great sense of "kampung" spirit.

We rested well last night. Zipped ourselves into our sleeping bags at 9pm and got up at 6.30am. After the earlier few days of little sleep, it was super shiok for all of us!

This morning Z lead us in devotion. We all shared about our readiness to heed God's call, and learnt from Pastor George that we are all precious - We have God's fire within us, with His "ark" in us, we are definitely ready.

Last night Uncle J and his colleague, N both encountered spirits who tried to molest them physically in their sleep. Uncle J had a male spirit attack him and Nung had a female spirit attack her. God left remnants of the enemy behind to teach us how to war. We expect that the enemy will keep trying to deter us, but God is with us. Keep us in your prayers.

Uncle J fell down yesterday. He's still battling his sinus infection, blacked out and fell while he was walking. Even Ps. E was worried for him, but Uncle J keeps brushing everyone off. Keep praying for his healing okay?

Yesterday afternoon we checked out a a farm (specifics of which I am censoring) where they are looking to invest into. That would provide the pastors in this area with a livelihood and also act as a front for leadership training. Most pastors here are jobless. This particular area of Laos is key as it has over 200,000 people living within it. They plan to purchase 100,000 seedlings with 40,000baht seed money. With the expected profit of 1mil baht per year, they will fund training, mission trips (sending Lao missionaries to Isaan, Thailand) and provide for the leaders.

Day 2 in Laos

Travelled on the back of a truck to the border where we took a bus across to Laos. Arriving at the Laos immigration checkpoint, we were greeted warmly by Ps. E and O. The key leaders of the LFF, the Laos underground church. (Even initials have been changed for protection as it is still highly dangerous there at the moment.)

Uncle J said that where we were going would be pretty nearby. After just nearly ten hours, we reached an underground church where we were to spend the night. Along the way, we picked up barking deer and hornbill for dinner. We passed on the squirrel and civet cat. Thank God.

Boys are roughing it out in a van and us girls travel in a suv thing they specially got for us. They have so little yet they are unbelievably generous and loving.

Unknown to us, the boys (together with Ps E and Uncle J) had stopped along the way to pray for a demon-possessed lady.

When we got there we were blown away. Hundreds of people gathered at a field for service. Mind you, this is in the dead of winter. Except for the "stage", everywhere else was pitch black. Children and youths ran and shone torches at our faces to see what we looked like.

Their service lasted thru the night with prayer, worship and sharing. We went to bed shortly after midnight, after our dinner of barking deer and hornbill. Which, by the way, tastes like duck, just with super tough skin that metal forks were unable to pierce through. Even in the freezing cold when we woke at 5.30am, there were still members of the audience sitting around small fires keeping warm and listening to the pastors. A kind lady took us to a water pump beside her house a short walk away where we could wash our faces and brush our teeth. The toilet was the great wilderness. Chicken, pigs, goats ran all around. It was like we had travelled back in time.

It reminded me how we take so many things for granted. How we have service in a nice church then complain about the aircon or chairs, or compare church buildings, etc, when over here, they meet in an open field in the freezing wind. Decor is a simple banner with the name of the church hung as a backdrop and a few balloons held up on clothing lines. Back home, we fuss over poster designs, christmas trees, confetti and baubles.

Joke of the day was one of the girls pointing at a huge boar running around, then asking, "Is it raw?". I don't think anyone answered.

This morning we were given the chance to sing for them. Then devotion was led by G and we were reminded of how we should abide by God in every aspect of our lives, not just while we were here. that we should listen to the Holy Spirit and build up our relationship with our personal Jesus.

Day 1 in Laos

Really sorry, I know they are way overdue and I haven't really blogged coherently in quite a while.

NOTE: These are excerpts from my daily email updates to home while I was away on a nine-day mission trip last year to Laos and Ubon(Thailand). Many a time we go away on mission trips thinking that we are going to bless the less fortunate, but return as the ones who have been blessed.


We're sitting at the back of a truck now, en route to the border Thailand shares with Vietnam, with the warm sunshine on our backs and the chilly wind blowing enthusiastically past us. Its not the most luxurious ride, nor the most comfortable, but with the sense of team spirit and God's presence with us, its an extraordinary blessing to be here.

I learnt today that we aren't just here to encourage and minister to others, but also to receive. The ones who were are reaching out too will also be used by Him to minister to us. It is a time of spiritual growth for us individually, and also as a team.

Yet the devil lurks on the outskirts waiting to trip us.

Without a doubt, this will be a life-changing experience for each and everyone of us. I personally don't know what to expect in Laos. We're been warned that there will most likely be no toilets, no electricity. It is the most un-me type trip ever and yet I find myself excited in a positive way. (Though I will probably be squemish about doing no. 2 behind a bush).

Isaiah 40:29-31 has really stuck with me for this trip and everytime I feel like its starting to become overwhelming I hold onto that piece of His Word and recite it in my head.

In the dark

Jesus said, "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight" (Matt 10:27 NIV).

1. It's in your worst moments that God gives you some of your best insights.
2. People will listen to you because you've 'earned the right to speak'. So sit tight and let God teach you things which can only be learned in the dark.

God, speak to me, now that I am in the dark.

God help me

In an old Peanuts cartoon, Charles Schulz shows Charlie Brown at the beach building a magnificent sandcastle. It's a work of art. As he stands back to admire it, suddenly it's destroyed by a big wave. In the last frame he says, "There must be a lesson here, but for the life of me I don't know what it is."

Jesus and my Titanic

"In Mark 4:39 when Jesus "ordered the wind and waves to be quiet" the Bible says "everything was calm" (CEV). In the midst of the storm, ask Him to come and stand in the bow of your boat, and to speak peace to the things that are upsetting you. He'll do it!"

- extract from The Word for Today, Rhema Broadcasting Group

Faithfulness of the angry

This is a particularly hard week.

Continued faithfulness and obedience while I was seething with a cold silent anger, was so difficult, my insides churned. I tried to see His hand in it, tried to bring glory to Him through what I did, how I reacted, the words I said. I tried my darnest and it was still a poor attempt.

It like being in my own head, but not understanding how all the gears worked. My anger was ferocious, white hot, and vulgar; built up in layers of debt, expectations, bitterness and discontentment.

Be still my heart. Be still and know that He is God.

Honesty

I was just reading someone's blog and "honesty" popped up in my head.

Have I been honest with myself?
Have I been honest with the people in my life?
Have I been honest with God?

No. Not enough.

Woah!

Oh dear. It really has been a long time since I've updated this blog. I really feel bad about it but at the same time, just really needed to take a break from everything and wipe the (mental) slate clean again with mindless television.

My life right now in point form and hopefully in chronological order:

1. Nathan and I are back together and in it for the long haul. We are really working hard with God, and our spiritual leaders, to be better people, to break the strongholds in our lives like anger, impatience. We communicate better and take the time to try to understand the other is coming from. As we make closer to God as individuals, we will get closer to each other as well.

2. I've left my job at the agency and have spent the last month with friends, family, myself, serving in church... and not as much as I should have with God. It has been awesome not having a work schedule to live by. Truly a period of rest that I thank God for.

3. Made the decision to go on a mission trip to Thailand and Laos. We leave on the 14th of December and come back Christmas eve. I am totally psyched for this trip! My heart has always been for Thailand. I have often wondered why, and I think God is showing me some of the reasons. In a country like Singapore, it is so early to be comfortable and live life without God. We have so many luxuries that we take for granted. I really look forward to seeing a small glimpse of how BIG God is, how far His love reaches. It is truly a blessing to be used by God. My Lord breathes stars, yet gives us the opportunity to be part of His work.

4. Our prayers have been confirmed! G and I will be starting a digital agency together. It will be a ministry and we pray that it will bring glory to God. Since we've decided to take that first step, day by day, God shown us His hand in everything and God is good. More details to come once everything is official. But do keep us in your prayers! Prayer is powerful.

I feel so so small. Yet, God, who is infinite, shows me so much love and care. He knows exactly how many hairs there are on my head. He bothers about small small tiny me!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Hand in hand

I caught a glimpse of a father holding the hand of his little girl as they walked down the street this morning. The first thought that came to mind was: my father never did that. And then I thought, yet I've held the hands of so many men, only to be heartbroken.

But I've found the hand that will never let me down. His hands will always be there to catch me when I fall, to hold me in a dance, to walk with me every step of the way.

We hate homework!

Often when we are going through difficulties in life, it is much like how we felt when we were young children back in school, when our parents would nag us about our results, give us more assessment exercises to do everyday and send us to extra tuition classes. Back then, because we did not understand the purposes behind it, we whinged about how shitty our parents were and how they enjoyed making our lives difficult. About why, on a sunny afternoon, we had to stay indoors working on mathematics instead of splashing about in the pool.

Then most of us grew up, and realised that while we thought it was all crap back then, our parents felt duty-bound to impart those lessons to us. They didn't enjoy it I'm sure. For the hours I spent studying, my mother definitely did not relax with a cold beer at the poolside. Rather, mom spent her days off work sitting beside us, helping us with our problem sums and spelling tests.

Our parents were molding us, educating us so that we would grow to become who we are today. Now we are able to see the bigger picture, we appreciate it.

We can very much learn from that and not complain every time we find ourselves in a valley. Rather, rejoice in the suffering, because in that season, we are being prepared, molded like silver in the Refiner's fire. While it hurts us, God feels the hurt too.

Romans 5:3-4 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character, hope."


Random thought: God is truly good to us. Amazingly patient! Even when times are bad and we whinge and whine non-stop He still doesn't strike us dead after our incessant complaints.