Honesty

I was just reading someone's blog and "honesty" popped up in my head.

Have I been honest with myself?
Have I been honest with the people in my life?
Have I been honest with God?

No. Not enough.

Woah!

Oh dear. It really has been a long time since I've updated this blog. I really feel bad about it but at the same time, just really needed to take a break from everything and wipe the (mental) slate clean again with mindless television.

My life right now in point form and hopefully in chronological order:

1. Nathan and I are back together and in it for the long haul. We are really working hard with God, and our spiritual leaders, to be better people, to break the strongholds in our lives like anger, impatience. We communicate better and take the time to try to understand the other is coming from. As we make closer to God as individuals, we will get closer to each other as well.

2. I've left my job at the agency and have spent the last month with friends, family, myself, serving in church... and not as much as I should have with God. It has been awesome not having a work schedule to live by. Truly a period of rest that I thank God for.

3. Made the decision to go on a mission trip to Thailand and Laos. We leave on the 14th of December and come back Christmas eve. I am totally psyched for this trip! My heart has always been for Thailand. I have often wondered why, and I think God is showing me some of the reasons. In a country like Singapore, it is so early to be comfortable and live life without God. We have so many luxuries that we take for granted. I really look forward to seeing a small glimpse of how BIG God is, how far His love reaches. It is truly a blessing to be used by God. My Lord breathes stars, yet gives us the opportunity to be part of His work.

4. Our prayers have been confirmed! G and I will be starting a digital agency together. It will be a ministry and we pray that it will bring glory to God. Since we've decided to take that first step, day by day, God shown us His hand in everything and God is good. More details to come once everything is official. But do keep us in your prayers! Prayer is powerful.

I feel so so small. Yet, God, who is infinite, shows me so much love and care. He knows exactly how many hairs there are on my head. He bothers about small small tiny me!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Hand in hand

I caught a glimpse of a father holding the hand of his little girl as they walked down the street this morning. The first thought that came to mind was: my father never did that. And then I thought, yet I've held the hands of so many men, only to be heartbroken.

But I've found the hand that will never let me down. His hands will always be there to catch me when I fall, to hold me in a dance, to walk with me every step of the way.

We hate homework!

Often when we are going through difficulties in life, it is much like how we felt when we were young children back in school, when our parents would nag us about our results, give us more assessment exercises to do everyday and send us to extra tuition classes. Back then, because we did not understand the purposes behind it, we whinged about how shitty our parents were and how they enjoyed making our lives difficult. About why, on a sunny afternoon, we had to stay indoors working on mathematics instead of splashing about in the pool.

Then most of us grew up, and realised that while we thought it was all crap back then, our parents felt duty-bound to impart those lessons to us. They didn't enjoy it I'm sure. For the hours I spent studying, my mother definitely did not relax with a cold beer at the poolside. Rather, mom spent her days off work sitting beside us, helping us with our problem sums and spelling tests.

Our parents were molding us, educating us so that we would grow to become who we are today. Now we are able to see the bigger picture, we appreciate it.

We can very much learn from that and not complain every time we find ourselves in a valley. Rather, rejoice in the suffering, because in that season, we are being prepared, molded like silver in the Refiner's fire. While it hurts us, God feels the hurt too.

Romans 5:3-4 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character, hope."


Random thought: God is truly good to us. Amazingly patient! Even when times are bad and we whinge and whine non-stop He still doesn't strike us dead after our incessant complaints.

Concrete Angel

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
Its hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel
- Martina McBride

Oh God, this hit too close to home.

The Via Dolorosa

An extremely talented lad, D.S, wrote this for the Easter Service earlier this year. When the pastor read it out, it completely floored me.

The Via Dolorosa

The way of suffering; The Via Dolorosa
On which His feet did tread
And marked the place these wayward sinners
Would choose to have Him dead
Could we bear to have it trampled and overrun,
Abandoned holy ground?
But through the rocky pilgrim road
Is life eternal found.

Hear their jeer, their mockery
The contentious screams of distaste
They would rather live with Barabbas
Than let the punishment go to waste
My Lord, You would say nothing at all
When they picked Your fate to die
You refused hasty retaliation
Even while they shouted, “crucify!”

Uncivil and brusque, they beat Him
Stripped from His garments; with no more pride
A thorny headpiece that’s fit for a king
But He had nothing to hide
They flogged him, beat him, struck him down,
Even to spitting they would resort
“Hail, king of the Jews,”
they said
Yet He presented no retort

Did You count the steps on that road?
On that rocky trail uphill
While their taunts and words came like arrows
What was it that kept you still?
They who threw their insults at you
With faces soaked in hate
As compared to the cross on your back
Which held the greater weight?

For the hurt lay not in the cross itself
But rather the journey there
The reaching yet never arriving
Never knowing when or where
He soon approached Golgotha
Which they called the “Skull Place”
Jesus was still but fully man
The look of death on his face

So they had You strewn over the cross
And before placing it high above
Drove nine inches of rusty iron
Through the hands and feet of Love
You cried out, “It was not my choice”
“For this course to undertake”
“The spirit is willing, but my body is weak”
“But God, why did you forsake?”

Wherefore His grace and mercy flowed?
Could I ever comprehend?
From such as the heavens above,
His son Jesus, to us He did send
An unparalleled being, the holy of holies
An extraordinary entity
The lord of the universe here on earth
Nailed now to a tree

Had You not held back, had You not stayed
These insolent beings you could smite
But your spirit adamant, with mind resolved,
And your heart was so contrite
You spoke, “Forgive them father
They know not what they do”
All but one soldier failed to realize,
Surely the Son of God was You

The way of suffering; The Via Dolorosa
On which His feet did tread
And marked the place these wayward sinners
Would choose to have Him dead
Could we bear to have it trampled and overrun,
Abandoned holy ground?
But through Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God
Is life eternal found.

Lifehouse - Everything skit

We tried doing this earlier a few months ago in church and while it was good, it seemed like something was just missing.

Every time I watch this, tears come to my eyes.

Lord, You're all I want, You're all I need. You're everything!