Of Hanoi and Hope

Just got back from Hanoi 3pm yesterday. God has been beyond good as always. I've never seen or experienced the Holy Spirit move so massively, so powerfully.

The biggest takeaway I have from this trip is a new-found sense of who I am in God's eyes. His amazing love for us, all of us, is just breathtaking. I'm so very very loved and feel so very very very blessed.

So all in all, a fantastic learning experience accompanied by generous portions of awesome food and the nicest people ever! I am glad to be home though. I've missed this tiny island. :)

Will post in detail soon!

God bless ya'll.

This season in summary

Okay, this is a massive information overload, esp since I've already posted 5 entries before this, but I might as well fill this blog up with whatever I can, while I remember to do so.

I will do it quick, in brief points.

1. I will be leaving in 4 days for a mission trip to Hanoi, where we will be holding workshops for up to 150 youths and some 40-50 youth leaders. Please keep the team in prayer. Most of us have never taught anything before, much less spoken in front of that many people. We aren't leaders in church, with the exception of one Pastor Henry who's leading the team up, so the butterflies in our tummies are going kinda crazy.
2. Mission trip to Hanoi - God has shown His provision time and time again. We prayed for the right team to come together, and He brought forth the most eclectic team mix. It could only be God... yet it works in a strange and wonderful way. He's provided for us in terms of funds as well. We're covering our own air tickets, meals and accommodation of course, but we prayed for funding for the rental of the conference rooms in Hanoi, sponsorship for some of the youth, love gifts, etc and He sent someone to bless us with $3,000. Another team member's dad is sponsoring the printing of our team notebooks, and a friend stepped up to sponsor travel insurance for the team. How good is our Lord!!
3. I started seeing someone, M, then stopped it because of promptings from the Holy Spirit. Yes, the feelings are still there, and yes he checks off many of the things I want in a partner, but I trust in the Holy Spirit and I just want to be obedient to His leading. Only if we both walk closer to God will we ever be able to get closer to each other. I think M, needs to get closer to God first. I don't want to be a distraction, nor the reason for him to seek God. I know I can only be with someone who loves God more than anything else, me included. As much as it hurts us both at the moment, we both know that it isn't right by God right now. It seems to be a matter of time, however, God's timing works on a different clock, so we will see. I know He holds tomorrow, and I know He holds my hand.
4. I've started mentoring someone in church as well. Its a lot more difficult than I thought it would ever be. So if you get a chance, pray for me please?
5. I'm praying for what God wants me to do with my life. I think its about time I found out about my life's calling, not just my seasonal duties. Surely it can't be to teach?

Hand in hand

I caught a glimpse of a father holding the hand of his little girl as they walked down the street this morning. The first thought that came to mind was: my father never did that. And then I thought, yet I've held the hands of so many men, only to be heartbroken.

But I've found the hand that will never let me down. His hands will always be there to catch me when I fall, to hold me in a dance, to walk with me every step of the way.

Psalm 116

This has really been speaking to me and I leaned on the strength of this Word earlier this week. Reading it over and over reminded me that God's with me. No matter how tough things get, He's walking alongside me.


Psalm 116 (New International Version)

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I believed; therefore [b] I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

11 And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant [c] ;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD. [d]

This Quarter

This past quarter has been one of the most shocking quarters I've lived through so far. I apologise for not having written much these two months. Part of it has been the circumstances and me taking the time to deal with everything in my head and in real life. Other part has been largely just laziness and just not wanting to think/write.

The two major events this quarter have been:
1. Jordan going home to be with the Lord
2. the closure of the advertising agency that I'm working in

I've blogged about the first item quite significantly so I'll skip straight to 2.

I work in the only independent global advertising agency left in the world. And we are closing the Singapore office. When the CEO flew in the break the news on the 4th of June, I was stunned but surprisingly not worried. "I trust that God will take care of me," was what I said to Nathan. The next day, the press release went out to the media and I was flooded with calls and text messages from concerned friends and church-mates. I was so touched and pleasantly surprised that some people that I barely knew even went through some effort to get a hold of my cell number to let me know that they were praying for me. God knew that I needed support and placed some very awesome people around me to strengthen and guide me.

I would like to say that I wasn't worried at all, but that would be lying. I knew instinctively that I had nothing to worry about because a Shepperd always cares for His flock, but I definitely still had a grain of doubt as to what that job would be. But God is faithful and He took brilliant care of me. Why did I I even doubt it?!

Not even three weeks after the news had broken, I found myself signing on letter of offer from a global digital agency under the massive Omnicom umbrella. Not only is it a position of equal standing to the one I hold now, it pays more and I get to work with some brilliant colleagues on some amazing accounts.

Like, wow.

Jehovah Jirah, my provider
His grace is sufficient for me, for me
My God will supply all my needs
According to His richness in glory
He will give His angels charge over me
Jehovah, Jirah cares for me, for me, for me.

Working and Walking

I work in advertising. Cussing, screaming, anger over deadlines, yelling, drinking, partying, alcoholic stupidity, overindulgence, pride and more. All accepted as common industry practice. What would never be allowed to happen in a normal office, such as telling your boss to go screw himself, takes place on weekly basis in the office where I work. Sometimes I think its like a cesspool of sin.

Daily, I struggle with this. I try my darnest not to swear, I try not to get angry when others make incredibly stupid mistakes, I try not to slap creatives who chose the 11th hour to have a diva fit. This is not exactly the perfect environment to be in for a Christ-follower - full of stumbling blocks and temptation, like little mousetraps just waiting for you to let down your guard. I asked God a while ago, "Why place me, such a young Christian, here?"

Two days ago, while talking to Him as I got ready for work, He helped me look at things from the other side of the coin.

Volcanoes are extremely destructive and living in the vicinity of an active one is usually considered risky and dangerous. Yet many people do. Why? When a volcano erupts, along with lava, it also throws out a lot of ash. At short notice, the ash can be really harmful to the environment, but in the long term, this ash layer contains many useful minerals, and in time, will be forms very fertile soil.

How wonderful would it be to be able to plant His seeds here! In fertile soil. I'm so happy that He's allowed me to be a part of this, to do His work through me... and at the same time flattered/stunned that He would trust me with such a major deal.

God is truly truly mind-blowing. Hallelujah. Thank you for having faith in me Father.

Thank you Lord.

10 The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Psalm 90:10

This morning, we attended the final service for Jordan. We kissed flowers and left them on his coffin, cried as the final prayer was said to commit his body to the Lord for cremation.

It was heart wrenching to see his family weeping and shouting his name. But in the midst of all that sorrow, was Jordan's mother who, as the coffin was wheeled towards the flames, cried out praises to the Lord, thanking Him for twenty-five years with Jordan. She shouted her thanks, lifted her hands in worship and wept bittersweet tears knowing that her son was with our Father. Jordan's dad did likewise with tears streaming down his face, echoing his wife in worship and thanksgiving. That was unshakable faith and God-given strength that I witnessed today. It was undeniable that God was present in the viewing hall this morning. Father just as you said you would.

11 The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

So like as Exodus 15:2 goes...
2 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.

...Father I praise you. I thank you Lord for blessing us with the time we had with Jordan. I worship you with all my heart. You are an awesome, awesome God!

I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretched arm
I will bless your name
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

Jordan Tay

Jordan was one the smartest guy friends I had. He had finally settled into a stable job that he was proud of, that he worked very hard at. He had just started seeing someone. Jordan was one of the most sensible bikers I knew. Recently he became the youngest Ducati owner in Singapore.

The last intense conversation we had was over lime sodas at the Handlebar. It was his first time to Handlebar and he absolutely loved the place. We talked about death and Jordan wanted Heaven to be like the Handlebar.

At about 3am Sunday morning, Jordan was riding home from a barbecue at a friend's place, going down a straight, smooth road, the front of his bike started wobbling severely from side to side. Friends riding behind him saw the bike shake violently, sparks flying, then Jordan.

Jordan Tay was called home to be with the Lord on 4 May 08. The wake is held at 38 Sin Min Drive #01-545. Cortege leaves on Wednesday 7 May for Madai Crematorium for cremation at 11.30am. Please pray for his family and friends. Pray for strength, peace and acceptance. But praise the Lord also, for Jordan is home now.

He left with his family and his four best friends by his side, last thing he was doing was riding on his new baby. If anything, that was the way that he would have wanted to go. He left such a deep impression on everyone who had ever known him. He made people think harder, smile brighter and live stronger. Sometimes, it seems that God takes all the good ones first.

Even though I cry over his passing, I'm grateful that he didn't suffer long and comforted that he is home with the Lord. Thank you God.

I know that when my days are over here, we'll see each other again. Bro I love you. See you when I see you.

Some November Days

Late November last year, my mother checked into hospital for major surgery, to remove a tumor that was covering 75% of her rectum. We had no idea whether the tumor was benign or malignant, but as it was so large, her doctor was not very optimistic about it.

I sat on my bed and prayed with my heart thumping in my chest. I was terrified, and I felt so helpless. So I took it out of my hands and placed it into Yours. I prayed and prayed and read Your Word. Before anxiety came, You gave me John 11:4.

When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

and my heart was at rest.

So they removed the tumor without any complications and as I was waiting by her bedside for her to come to, her oncologist came to speak to me. The biopsy was positive for colorectal cancer. My knees shook but good friends from church were there to hold me up. I trusted in God to see this through and I knew He would. The keyhole surgery was considered to be fairly major and was performed on a Wednesday morning. By Friday morning, my mum was walking and mid-day Saturday, she was discharged. The nurses were surprised she had healed so fast. We just had to wait for another week for further test results, before they would be able to tell us what stage cancer it was.

So many people were praying for my mother. The awesome power of prayer.

The week after, I was back at work and I got a text from my mother: "The doc called w good news. No traces of cancer cells in the lymph nodes n only stage II so no chemo needed :)"

2 months after, I had to accompany my mother to hospital for a blood test to identify the cancer count remaining in her body. The night before, just like every other night, I prayed for healing for her before bed. After my prayer, He said, "open your bible."
So I reached for my bible.
He said, "Read John 5:4"
I wondered, "John or 1 John?" (I always have to complicate things.)
There was no reply. so I thought, okay okay..
and I flipped to that chapter.

John 5:4
For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and *stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.

I thought, okay that sounds like His healing.. but what water? What was I supposed to do with that?

And then I saw that asterix, that little star before the word stirred, and the Spirit poked me. There was the mental "oooh" moment.

and I read:
The last phase of v 3 and all of v 4 are omitted in some Greek manuscripts of John. The statements may reflect a popular tradition associated with the pool that the bubbling of the waters (v7), which some scholars feel was caused by an intermittent spring, was supernaturally caused by an angel. Irrespective of the source of the waters being stirred, the testimony of God's healing grace was nonetheless present.

and then I went, "Woah."

24 January, mum got her test results back from the doctor. She was cancer free.

Thanks be to God. My God is an awesome God.

the Lord sends emails

Oh dear. Last I posted was Monday and its already Friday. Time really flew by this week. In the midst of campaign launch flurry, I think God has slipped my mind quite a number of times this week. Thankfully, my God is a patient God. If I had to deal with myself, I'll probably have sent bolts of lightning down on myself. Anyway, last night my sleep was full of mini-dreams, and they were all about money. I had a conversation about salary and expenditure with a colleague, talked to a friend from church about earning more vs earning less, trying to find lost money, and lot lot of other hazy dreams, but all revolved around the same money theme. Then the moment I woke up, flicked my blackberry on and here's the first thing I read this morning: The Word for Today Financial Amnesia Remember...the Lord...gives you power to become rich. - Deuteronomy 8:18 TLB

Can God trust you with money? Do you have the courage to thank Him publicly for what He's given you? Ever noticed how some of us who praised Him when we had very little, suddenly become 'image conscious' when we start to prosper? We call on God when we're in trouble, but when we get back on our feet we stop counting our blessings and start counting our money. What's happened? We've become so self-sufficient that we're reluctant to mention the name of Jesus when we talk about our blessings! Israel's financial amnesia was nothing new; it happens once you start believing "it was [my] own power and might that made [me] wealthy" (Dt 8:17 TLB).

Never get so dazzled by success that you forget the source of everything you have, or become so caught up in your blessings that you fail to acknowledge the One who blessed you. God told the Israelites, "When you have become...prosperous...built fine homes...and your silver and gold have multiplied...don't become proud and forget the Lord...who brought you out of...slavery" (Dt 8:11-14 TLB). God doesn't condemn success, He condemns arrogance! When you've had very little and suddenly enter the 'Promised Land,' it's easy to forget where you came from. A few gourmet meals, a designer suit and a house in 'the right neighbourhood' can make you forget about yesterday's hand-me-downs! God constantly had to remind His people not to overlook His goodness to them. And the same applies to us. "Remember...the Lord...gives you power to become rich, and...just as [He]...caused other nations in the past to perish...That will be your fate...if you don't obey...God" (Dt 8:18-20 TLB).

Bottom line - you don't have anything God didn't give you!

SoulFood Bible Readings: 1 Co 14-16, Mk 8:14-26, Ps 94:1-11, Pr 10:24-26

Btw, these daily emails are sent to me by The Word For Today e-mail service. If you've been encouraged by The Word for Today, then your friends will be too.Click here to subscribe.

So how does this tie back to real life? I've been praying for financial blessing, for a particular salary increment that I will get a reply from senior management on next week. And I know, with greater financial rewards, I should be a better steward with my money, no, God's money.

Extraordinarily, God being all-knowing, knows that I spend a good 40% of my day online, so God sends emails too.

Awesomeness!

like right now...

... my boss is reading my bible!

Stubborn believer of evolution and all that... but at least he's read the first pages of Genesis.
Tiny seed.

Praise the Lord!

gracie was stupid

I didn't blog yesterday partly because I completely forgot and partly cos I was still so angry that I figured it was better not to bring my angst online.

Quite a number of things happened yesterday. Terribly "Days of Our Lives".

1. Lost my phone on Monday evening, which mean I pretty much spent Tuesday morning running about with like a chicken with its head chopped off. Because of the way it happened (long story which I'm quite tired of repeating so I won't), I'm fairly certain the taxi driver took my phone. So come Tuesday morning, I made a police report, got a new blackberry and had my SIM card replaced. Only with my mother's help was I able to do all that and get into the office before 1pm. Monday night while I was online trying to retrieve my lost phone's IMEI and PIN numbers, suspend my line and all that stuff. The entire time though, I was pissed. Seriously pissed off. You see the taxi driver happened to be a friend of a friend from way back. First off, wherever possible, strangers should return lost property... and if its someone you know... even more so. A friend reminded me then (through the wonder that is MSN) that even during difficult/testing times, we should always praise God. So I did. I thanked Him for teaching me, and I prayed for whoever found my phone and kept it. Maybe he really needed the money.
   
2. I had my appraisal at work today. This was also a discussion about the salary increment I would be getting. There's a minimum amount that they are contractually obligated to meet, but I had asked for significantly higher than that. I've prayed about it and will continue to do so. Either way though, I'm quite happy with the agency that I'm in and feel very blessed that God placed me in such an environment, with such awesome people.
3. I had a job interview last evening. A casual sort of chat with the M.D and the Head of Digital of another global ad agency. To be honest, I have no intention of leaving my agency right now, and I do see myself here for quite some time, but I was curious about what the other agency was offering and wanted to check it out. Even though the interview went well, that agency isn't for me, not right now and probably not for a long time. This interview just reaffirmed what a great agency I'm in and I thank God.
   

Why are do 2 and 3 make me thank God so much? For the past month or so, because I've been rather bored with un-challenging work, I've been wondering to God if this agency is really where He wants me to be in. Questioning if this was really where I'm supposed to be.

And so it is! Praise God. I love You.

My God is big

... so strong, so mighty!

Since I started this blog, I realised that certain things in my life have been becoming more difficult/annoying. Some days make me just want to curl up and cry, much less blog.

But God is my hero. There's nothing my God cannot do. With Lord Jesus taking control, what are these difficult days? All I have to do is to reach out to Him with my heart and He will be my refuge.

Two weeks ago I was on my way home from work and it was drizzling while I was walking to the train station. While waiting to cross the road, I said a quick prayer, "God please don't let me get drenched." Just then, a complete stranger came up to me to share his umbrella. Smiling, I accepted and split seconds later, it started to pour down. Buckets and buckets.

Praise God. You are my hero.