Woah!

Oh dear. It really has been a long time since I've updated this blog. I really feel bad about it but at the same time, just really needed to take a break from everything and wipe the (mental) slate clean again with mindless television.

My life right now in point form and hopefully in chronological order:

1. Nathan and I are back together and in it for the long haul. We are really working hard with God, and our spiritual leaders, to be better people, to break the strongholds in our lives like anger, impatience. We communicate better and take the time to try to understand the other is coming from. As we make closer to God as individuals, we will get closer to each other as well.

2. I've left my job at the agency and have spent the last month with friends, family, myself, serving in church... and not as much as I should have with God. It has been awesome not having a work schedule to live by. Truly a period of rest that I thank God for.

3. Made the decision to go on a mission trip to Thailand and Laos. We leave on the 14th of December and come back Christmas eve. I am totally psyched for this trip! My heart has always been for Thailand. I have often wondered why, and I think God is showing me some of the reasons. In a country like Singapore, it is so early to be comfortable and live life without God. We have so many luxuries that we take for granted. I really look forward to seeing a small glimpse of how BIG God is, how far His love reaches. It is truly a blessing to be used by God. My Lord breathes stars, yet gives us the opportunity to be part of His work.

4. Our prayers have been confirmed! G and I will be starting a digital agency together. It will be a ministry and we pray that it will bring glory to God. Since we've decided to take that first step, day by day, God shown us His hand in everything and God is good. More details to come once everything is official. But do keep us in your prayers! Prayer is powerful.

I feel so so small. Yet, God, who is infinite, shows me so much love and care. He knows exactly how many hairs there are on my head. He bothers about small small tiny me!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Hand in hand

I caught a glimpse of a father holding the hand of his little girl as they walked down the street this morning. The first thought that came to mind was: my father never did that. And then I thought, yet I've held the hands of so many men, only to be heartbroken.

But I've found the hand that will never let me down. His hands will always be there to catch me when I fall, to hold me in a dance, to walk with me every step of the way.

We hate homework!

Often when we are going through difficulties in life, it is much like how we felt when we were young children back in school, when our parents would nag us about our results, give us more assessment exercises to do everyday and send us to extra tuition classes. Back then, because we did not understand the purposes behind it, we whinged about how shitty our parents were and how they enjoyed making our lives difficult. About why, on a sunny afternoon, we had to stay indoors working on mathematics instead of splashing about in the pool.

Then most of us grew up, and realised that while we thought it was all crap back then, our parents felt duty-bound to impart those lessons to us. They didn't enjoy it I'm sure. For the hours I spent studying, my mother definitely did not relax with a cold beer at the poolside. Rather, mom spent her days off work sitting beside us, helping us with our problem sums and spelling tests.

Our parents were molding us, educating us so that we would grow to become who we are today. Now we are able to see the bigger picture, we appreciate it.

We can very much learn from that and not complain every time we find ourselves in a valley. Rather, rejoice in the suffering, because in that season, we are being prepared, molded like silver in the Refiner's fire. While it hurts us, God feels the hurt too.

Romans 5:3-4 says "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance , character; and character, hope."


Random thought: God is truly good to us. Amazingly patient! Even when times are bad and we whinge and whine non-stop He still doesn't strike us dead after our incessant complaints.

Concrete Angel

She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
Its hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel
- Martina McBride

Oh God, this hit too close to home.

The Via Dolorosa

An extremely talented lad, D.S, wrote this for the Easter Service earlier this year. When the pastor read it out, it completely floored me.

The Via Dolorosa

The way of suffering; The Via Dolorosa
On which His feet did tread
And marked the place these wayward sinners
Would choose to have Him dead
Could we bear to have it trampled and overrun,
Abandoned holy ground?
But through the rocky pilgrim road
Is life eternal found.

Hear their jeer, their mockery
The contentious screams of distaste
They would rather live with Barabbas
Than let the punishment go to waste
My Lord, You would say nothing at all
When they picked Your fate to die
You refused hasty retaliation
Even while they shouted, “crucify!”

Uncivil and brusque, they beat Him
Stripped from His garments; with no more pride
A thorny headpiece that’s fit for a king
But He had nothing to hide
They flogged him, beat him, struck him down,
Even to spitting they would resort
“Hail, king of the Jews,”
they said
Yet He presented no retort

Did You count the steps on that road?
On that rocky trail uphill
While their taunts and words came like arrows
What was it that kept you still?
They who threw their insults at you
With faces soaked in hate
As compared to the cross on your back
Which held the greater weight?

For the hurt lay not in the cross itself
But rather the journey there
The reaching yet never arriving
Never knowing when or where
He soon approached Golgotha
Which they called the “Skull Place”
Jesus was still but fully man
The look of death on his face

So they had You strewn over the cross
And before placing it high above
Drove nine inches of rusty iron
Through the hands and feet of Love
You cried out, “It was not my choice”
“For this course to undertake”
“The spirit is willing, but my body is weak”
“But God, why did you forsake?”

Wherefore His grace and mercy flowed?
Could I ever comprehend?
From such as the heavens above,
His son Jesus, to us He did send
An unparalleled being, the holy of holies
An extraordinary entity
The lord of the universe here on earth
Nailed now to a tree

Had You not held back, had You not stayed
These insolent beings you could smite
But your spirit adamant, with mind resolved,
And your heart was so contrite
You spoke, “Forgive them father
They know not what they do”
All but one soldier failed to realize,
Surely the Son of God was You

The way of suffering; The Via Dolorosa
On which His feet did tread
And marked the place these wayward sinners
Would choose to have Him dead
Could we bear to have it trampled and overrun,
Abandoned holy ground?
But through Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God
Is life eternal found.

Lifehouse - Everything skit

We tried doing this earlier a few months ago in church and while it was good, it seemed like something was just missing.

Every time I watch this, tears come to my eyes.

Lord, You're all I want, You're all I need. You're everything!

V

Hey V,

God will not put you through that of which you cannot bear,
and for every season, there's a reason.

and when you need a listening ear, we'll be here.

xoxo.

Cardboard Testimonies

I've watched this several times and every single time, I have tears in my eyes.

I need to stop...

I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing. I need to stop cussing.

Jesus Take the Wheel

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me
Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh
- Carrie Underwood

I love this song!

Paradise

This morning, I woke up with one word clinging to the seat of my lips. Paradise.

Instantaneously, I thought about Jesus Christ. I think its so amazing how my mind now automatically associates "Paradise" and "Jesus Christ", just like in those word association games. God changed the way it works! In the past I think I would have gone "Paradise? Phuket!"

Then I thought to myself, how cool it would be to be in paradise with Jesus. How easy it would be to just give up everything here to be with Him, how much that would rock. I thought about the most beautiful beaches on earth, I thought about the most wonderous animals, captivating sights and sounds, delicious smells and tastes that we have on earth and thought "nah, its nothing in comparison to what is waiting for me in Heaven."

And I can't wait to get to heaven! To be with Him.

But then I realised that when I met with God in paradise, I wanted to be able to say that I had lived my life well and fulfilled His purpose for me. Until then, I'll be here.

Father, please continue to reveal to me the purpose that you have intended for me. My Lord please fill me with wisdom and discernment to know what it is, please fill me with the strength and courage to obey, whatever it may be, and I pray that you continue to guide my hand in all that I do.

Father, I can't wait to see you at the end of this road. Papa, I will try to make you proud. I love you Lord.

Like a hammer on the head

I am the sort of girl that has her life planned out in five-year blocks.

Obviously, plans have been tweaked to accommodate life's hiccups along the way, but I've pretty much scored all the targeted goals since I first sat down a decade ago and decided what I wanted to do with my life a decade ago.

It only just hit me that for the first time, ever, I have no plans for my life after October.

But the Lord does, and that's all that matters.

Psalm 116

This has really been speaking to me and I leaned on the strength of this Word earlier this week. Reading it over and over reminded me that God's with me. No matter how tough things get, He's walking alongside me.


Psalm 116 (New International Version)

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I believed; therefore [b] I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

11 And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant [c] ;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD. [d]

What's choking you?

This is a direct copy and paste from The Word for Today email service by Rhema Broadcasting Group in association with The Vine - www.thevine.co.nz™. Felt that it really spoke to me and I would really like to share it with you.

19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.
- Mark 4:19 NIV

In the parable of the sower Jesus said, "Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the Word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the Word, making it unfruitful" (Mark 4:18-19 NIV). Notice, the problem is not the sower or the seed, it's the soil. Jesus said they "hear the word", so we're talking about churchgoers with a pre-existing mindset that chokes every Scripture they hear, read, or try to apply. Jesus describes these thorns as: "The worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things" (Mark 4:19).

Do you remember the time when you thought the house you now live in, the career you now enjoy, and the investments you now have, would make all your worries go away? But no, the more you have, the more you have to lose, to protect, to maintain, and to worry about. That's "the deceitfulness of wealth". If your significance as a person or your sense of security is tied to anything other than your relationship with God, worry will choke the life right out of you. True happiness lies in trusting God for what you need, knowing if it's right He'll provide it, and if not He'll give you something better.

Chuck Swindoll writes, "We live among thorns because we've a quiet, respectable, secret love for them. I know. I've got the ugly scars to prove it. Each one a mute reminder of years trapped in the thicket; periodically I still have to yank a few." How about you - do you have some thorns you need to pull?

SoulFood Bible Readings: Lam 3:40 - 5:22, Luke 19:1-10, Ps 103:1-12, Pr 19:12-16

Please tell your friends about The Word For Today e-mail service. If you've been encouraged by The Word for Today, then your friends will be too. Click here.

Growing in faith

Oh gosh, it has been quite a while hasn’t it?

I have resigned from my job. With two months to go before my final day with the agency, and no job lined up, I’m really trusting in God to open the doors for me for whatever He intends for the next season to bring.

I guess I sit in anticipation and excitement, but also in faith, because I know that this is not what He intends for me to do right and with my resignation, I am obeying.

We’ve been praying, both G and myself, for a confirmation on the digital agency and also that if it is of Him, that the Lord may throw the doors wide open for us. My prayer has also been that He send us investors, good people to support us, as well as new business for that agency. While its only been two weeks since we’ve started praying about it, we’ve already been approached by an investor, along with some other business opportunities. I wonder if it is God’s way of confirming that for us. We’ll also definitely need wise counsel from our leaders/mentors. In the quick chat that I’ve managed to have with my mentor, A, she seems to think that it’s a great idea. I’ll be speaking to her in detail tonight over dinner.

I guess a small part of me worries. I’ve never left a job without having signed on the dotted line with another company. I guess it’s the security that I’m leaving behind. Job security and knowing that I’ll be getting a nice salary at the end of every month and not having to worry about expenses and such. But I give that burden and anxiety up to God. There’s safety and security in His arms and He’s the only one that will never fail us.

When Jesus told Peter, "Why do you doubt?" He was saying, "Don't allow this storm to overwhelm you. I'm right here with you. Your problem is under My feet, therefore it's under your feet too. Just keep your eyes on Me, keep walking by faith and stick to the plan!"

I’m sticking to the plan!

Alone but not

Finally catching a long break from work. With a week left before I have to be back in the office, I tried to get out of the country for a short trip alone. Unable to get either airplane tickets or accommodation to the places I wanted to go to, and that were safe enough for me to travel alone to, I gave up and simply checked myself into a resort on Sentosa island. For the first time, I actually wanted to travel alone. To get away from the hustle and bustle of the city and have quiet time. I figured that away from all those distractions and on my own, I'll have to lean on God for company. Spending more time with God, talking to God and reading His Word, would only bring us closer. James 4:8 (NIV) 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. I haven't spent every minute alone, many friends have been over to hang out. Time spent with them has also been a blessing. To simply chill out, talk and laugh with the fellas from church is somewhat of a luxury simply due to a lack of time in "real life". I thank God for the chance to build on bonds with family. Those brothers and sisters are indeed family. On the first day, friends had left, I sat in bed to pray and I heard myself praying the most honest, sincere prayer that I've ever said to God.

This morning I got up and dragged myself to the terrace for breakfast just five minutes before it closed. As I sat down to eat, I cracked open a new book to read - The Call by Os Guinness. Its about finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life. I discovered why I've been so unhappy about my job and that unhappiness has been slowing eating into other bits of my life as well. This new job places me, a square peg, into a round hole. Not good. I will have to spend more time praying for God to direct that area of my life. I've also yet to find out what the central purpose of my life is. If this job was it, I would have a sense of fulfillment and purpose. As Os Guinness put it, "As modern people we are all on a search for significance. We desire to make a difference. We long to leave a legacy. We yearn, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "to leave the world a bit better." Our passion is to know that we are fulfilling the purpose for which we are here on earth."

Why did God put me here? Finding and fulfilling the purpose of our lives comes up in myriad wards and in all the seasons of our lives.

For many years, I've been ambitious in my career. At the moment I am the youngest senior account manager, wait, youngest suit in the agency. I've put in a ridiculous amount of time at work to get to where I am today and I still have far to go. I've always enjoyed what I do very much and this industry still remains fascinating to me. Yet, there's recently been a restlessness in me that I haven't been able to fully explain. Its not simply just due to the lack of job satisfaction or the silly political stuff at work. I feel restless within the industry itself! I wonder if there is a point in what I do. There's so much that is missing. Only God needs nothing outside Himself, because He Himself is the highest and the only lasting good. So everything that we desire falls short and are as finite and incomplete as we ourselves are. And if we make these objects our ultimate desire, boy are we going to be disappointed. I've been lifting my career up to God and committing my life to Him to use as He will. I believe that He's planted that seed of restlessness and despair in my heart so that I would see beyond a career in advertising. I've always said that this is what I would like to do for the rest of my life. Now, I'm prepared to give it up. How awesome is God!

You won't believe this. As I was typing this entry, a brother of mine from church, lets call him.... G. So G and I have been exchanging text messages about mostly nothing. I was just saying something about how great would it be if I got a job that pays as much as my current package, and all I do is bum around on the beach all day. (I am great as a beach bum.) G texts me back in the following exact words: Start your own ad agency. Since you know e business. We start small. I be your production branch. If can make it, money can channel to missions and all. Tat will be living e dream.

I haven't felt this kind of excited about anything in a long time. Not even when I started a boutique agency years ago. My goodness! Even G is terribly excited now. We will both be committing this to prayer and waiting to see if He leads us that way. If you read this and have some free time on your hands, please do pray for us both. Living for a cause, serving while working, that will be living the dream indeed.

Father, thank You for Your grace, for loving and blessing even a sinner like me. My life is Yours to do as You will. Guide us and let us know if this is of Your leading. Speak in to us in such an obvious and undeniable way so that even though G and I are so blur sometimes, we will know that it is of You. O Lord, if this is Your will, open the doors for us, in terms of time, relationships and financing so that we will not be in need or want for anything. Thank You Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

The beginning of the end of it all

Warning: Long post ahead.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.

Recently I've been praying for God to break my heart. Why? I do not know. But here's what my past 2 weeks have been like:

I've realised that I am not very happy with the new job. That while I love what I do (advertising - digital) very much, this new agency has started making me hate what I do. And I've only been there for a month. I can't pinpoint it to one specific incident or one exact problem, but what I do know is that this is not the right place for me.

In my prayers, I've been constantly committing my life, of which my career plays a large part, to Him. I've taken to praying that He takes my life, my career, me and do what He will with it all. As much as it scares me, this is not what He intends for me. What exactly God intends for me to do, I do not know, but what I will do is resign first thing after I return to the office on the 18th. I have never ever left a job without another job lined up. My goodness. As much of a strong front I have put on about this to friends and family, I'm worried, yes I am, but I trust Him to open the doors for me. He holds me in the palm of His hand and I know that He will not let me fall.

With that decision made, my heart was calmer but still rather uneasy and unhappy as ironically, my period of notice will be twice as long as my duration of service so far. Heh.

Nathan and I have broken up. The weekend that followed, I was an absolute wreck. I cried for probably 30 hours straight. I cried in my sleep, the moment I woke, while I was on the loo, while I was watching the telly. Everywhere. Yet I wasn't just crying over the end of yet another relationship. I felt so lost, so small. I was completely overwhelmed with sadness and unbeliveable helplessness. I had never felt so... broken in my life. For the first time ever, I couldn't even see a tomorrow.

So I prayed. I prayed for myself, for Nathan, for my father, for my sisters, for just so so many people. I asked for forgiveness, guidance, wisdom and strength, I prayed that He would take away the pain and hurt, that He would heal me. I wanted simply to be whole again. I asked for protection, for peace in my heart and mind. There had been so many things that I had yet to forgive myself for.

I prayed so so so much, holed up in the dark alone, not eating or seeing. Then God led me to realise that He was answering my prayers. The Lord was breaking my heart. This breakup was merely the straw that broke this camel's back.

Then came Sunday. I awoke with a peace in my heart, a calm that I myself could not believe I was capable of feeling. Brick by brick, God was putting me back together. Building me back whole again.

As a young Christian, I had prayed for unshakeable, child-like faith. During those two dark nights, God grew my faith. He watered my tree so that its roots would dig deeper into the soil. God knew exactly what was needed to demolish my world, to kill off what illusions I had of independence, what plans I had for me, myself and I. He was, is, the only one who could heal my heart and make it clean. Those two days, I learnt about God-dependence, not self reliance.

Father, I am Your faithful servant. Use me as You will.

Jesus loves the little children

Sometimes I look back on the things I've done in my past and I'm filled with a sense of repulsion and disgust. If I feel that way about myself, how else can others feel?

Yet Jesus loves me anyway.

This season is for forgiveness. And I've realised that sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world

Black and yellow, red and white

They're all precious in His sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world

Forgiveness

One of the things I've been working on this season is forgiveness.

Some people to forgive for some things. But most importantly though, I’ve realised that while I appear alright, I have yet to forgive myself for many many things. But I have God’s grace and He will make me whole again.

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matt 6:14-15

This Quarter

This past quarter has been one of the most shocking quarters I've lived through so far. I apologise for not having written much these two months. Part of it has been the circumstances and me taking the time to deal with everything in my head and in real life. Other part has been largely just laziness and just not wanting to think/write.

The two major events this quarter have been:
1. Jordan going home to be with the Lord
2. the closure of the advertising agency that I'm working in

I've blogged about the first item quite significantly so I'll skip straight to 2.

I work in the only independent global advertising agency left in the world. And we are closing the Singapore office. When the CEO flew in the break the news on the 4th of June, I was stunned but surprisingly not worried. "I trust that God will take care of me," was what I said to Nathan. The next day, the press release went out to the media and I was flooded with calls and text messages from concerned friends and church-mates. I was so touched and pleasantly surprised that some people that I barely knew even went through some effort to get a hold of my cell number to let me know that they were praying for me. God knew that I needed support and placed some very awesome people around me to strengthen and guide me.

I would like to say that I wasn't worried at all, but that would be lying. I knew instinctively that I had nothing to worry about because a Shepperd always cares for His flock, but I definitely still had a grain of doubt as to what that job would be. But God is faithful and He took brilliant care of me. Why did I I even doubt it?!

Not even three weeks after the news had broken, I found myself signing on letter of offer from a global digital agency under the massive Omnicom umbrella. Not only is it a position of equal standing to the one I hold now, it pays more and I get to work with some brilliant colleagues on some amazing accounts.

Like, wow.

Jehovah Jirah, my provider
His grace is sufficient for me, for me
My God will supply all my needs
According to His richness in glory
He will give His angels charge over me
Jehovah, Jirah cares for me, for me, for me.

A Father's Love

I caught the thinkfamily.sg commercial on tv last night. It was about a prepubescent girl talking about the greatest gift her father gave her - love. Then I thought about my father, of pain, of physical and emotional abuse and I thought, "What love?"

Then I realised that biological father aside, I have the greatest Father in the world. The most selfless, compassionate, generous, merciful Father that any girl could ever ask for. And He is Love.

I love you too Father.

Working and Walking

I work in advertising. Cussing, screaming, anger over deadlines, yelling, drinking, partying, alcoholic stupidity, overindulgence, pride and more. All accepted as common industry practice. What would never be allowed to happen in a normal office, such as telling your boss to go screw himself, takes place on weekly basis in the office where I work. Sometimes I think its like a cesspool of sin.

Daily, I struggle with this. I try my darnest not to swear, I try not to get angry when others make incredibly stupid mistakes, I try not to slap creatives who chose the 11th hour to have a diva fit. This is not exactly the perfect environment to be in for a Christ-follower - full of stumbling blocks and temptation, like little mousetraps just waiting for you to let down your guard. I asked God a while ago, "Why place me, such a young Christian, here?"

Two days ago, while talking to Him as I got ready for work, He helped me look at things from the other side of the coin.

Volcanoes are extremely destructive and living in the vicinity of an active one is usually considered risky and dangerous. Yet many people do. Why? When a volcano erupts, along with lava, it also throws out a lot of ash. At short notice, the ash can be really harmful to the environment, but in the long term, this ash layer contains many useful minerals, and in time, will be forms very fertile soil.

How wonderful would it be to be able to plant His seeds here! In fertile soil. I'm so happy that He's allowed me to be a part of this, to do His work through me... and at the same time flattered/stunned that He would trust me with such a major deal.

God is truly truly mind-blowing. Hallelujah. Thank you for having faith in me Father.

Love from across oceans

Mark 12:31 says, "The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' ..." and Exodus 20:13 says, "You shall not murder."

I am definitely not the most patient person in the world. In fact, quite a lot of people in our little dot on the map I find downright annoying. Recently, there was season in my life where God kept teaching me about patience and love for everyone I meet. Seriously everyone.

I've come to realise that:

1. I need extra grace to love some people, but with God, all things are possible.
   
2. some are easier to love from a distance. Still loving, and no murdering.

Comparatively, our job is so so simple!

Jesus was unbelievable. After He spent all that time getting insulted, whipped, nailed to a cross and killed by people, He still loves His children so so much and even while He was hanging from the cross, He was patient and forgiving. Every day, people insult God, blame Him for difficult times, doubt His existence and do so so much evil, yet He is patient and kind and His love is never ending.

...and yet we hate pretentious people, neighbours who slam their front door too hard or sisters that hog the bathroom.

Love. From a distance if necessary, but love one and all.

30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:30-31

A Father's Love Letter

This was read out during our mothers' day service. I know its rather tardy of me to be posting this only now, but I very much wanted to have this up before I posted anything else.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love,
Your Dad.

He ain't heavy

The night before the cremation, I dreamt that Jordan, V and I were sitting at the back of a taxi. It was the morning of the cremation and sunlight was streaming through the windows as trees flew by. He was smiling and happy, looking oh so Jordan. He asked if anyone needed a ride to get to his wake. He wondered if his coffin was gonna be too heavy and wanted to know if his brothers needed help with it. At the back of that taxi-cab, we were happy, we were smiling and we were free. And when I woke I knew he was alright. Everything was alright.



The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother...

Thank you Lord.

10 The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Psalm 90:10

This morning, we attended the final service for Jordan. We kissed flowers and left them on his coffin, cried as the final prayer was said to commit his body to the Lord for cremation.

It was heart wrenching to see his family weeping and shouting his name. But in the midst of all that sorrow, was Jordan's mother who, as the coffin was wheeled towards the flames, cried out praises to the Lord, thanking Him for twenty-five years with Jordan. She shouted her thanks, lifted her hands in worship and wept bittersweet tears knowing that her son was with our Father. Jordan's dad did likewise with tears streaming down his face, echoing his wife in worship and thanksgiving. That was unshakable faith and God-given strength that I witnessed today. It was undeniable that God was present in the viewing hall this morning. Father just as you said you would.

11 The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

So like as Exodus 15:2 goes...
2 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father's God, and I will exalt him.

...Father I praise you. I thank you Lord for blessing us with the time we had with Jordan. I worship you with all my heart. You are an awesome, awesome God!

I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretched arm
I will bless your name
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord